Devils’ Woes Continue

Devils’ Woes Continue

Every Little Step Counts.

I’m currently reading “God Never Blinks” by Regina Brett.  I saw this little book at the library and thought, ‘Why Not?’  It’s 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours. 

Sometimes my intuition says, ‘you’re going to need this…’  and ironically, a week later I did. 

I didn’t know what the contents of the book were about beyond another self-help spiritual guidance book.  But apparently, it was the right book at the right time.

The author is a cancer survivor.  She said, “Once you’ve had cancer and been sick, bald, and weak from chemotherapy and radiation, there aren’t a lot worse things that anyone can do to you.” 

I thought…you know, she’s right.  Sometimes as we move through life, we forget the things that made us weak to our very core.  We forget the battle.  We forget what it was like to struggle just to move one step at a time.  We forget what it felt like to struggle to find a better day. 

Sometimes all we see is the big problem, instead of each step that we need to make in the right direction.  We think we have to run to the next milestone, instead of realizing that sometimes we just can’t.  We have to take things slowly.  We have to take things one step at a time in the right direction.

One day, all of those steps in the right direction leads to our destination.  Whether it’s getting over an illness, or just trying to win a game…each step in the right direction is more important than racing to the finish line and failing when you get there.

“Usually we know the next step to take but it’s so small we don’t see it because our vision is focused too far ahead and all we can see is a giant, scary leap instead of a small, simple step.  So we wait.  And wait. And wait, as if the Master Plan will be revealed in a massive blueprint rolled out like a red carpet at our feet…

The secret to success, to parenting, to life, is to not count up the cost.  Don’t focus on all the steps it will take.  Don’t stare into the abyss at the giant leap it will take.  That view will keep you from taking the next small step.

If you want to lose 40 pounds, you order salad instead of fries.  If you want to be a better friend, you take the phone call instead of screening it.  If you want to write a novel, you sit down and write a single paragraph.

It’s scary to make major changes, but we usually have enough courage to take the next right step.  One small step and then another.  That’s what it takes to raise a child, to get a degree, to write a book, to do whatever it is your heart desires.

What’s your next right step?  Whatever it is, take it.”

On Anger.

I’d forgotten what it was like to be so mad that you are ready to hit somebody…anybody that will get in your way.

That was me on Friday night.  Two people that I once called friends ganged up on me when it came to a very sensitive issue in my life.  Actually, they brought all of the sensitive issues up in my life and attacked me. 

And then they didn’t understand why I got up and left them sitting there.  No apologies came.  No one said they were sorry for making me so upset for opening up the wounds inside of me and pouring gasoline into it and lighting a match.  That, to me, makes it appear to me that they meant to do what they did.

These were people I thought were my friends…and had thought that for the last five years.

I was so mad walking the three blocks to Port Authority that five guys tried to use pick up lines on me.  Apparently the ‘damsel in distress’ beacon went off and guys were running to my aid…when all I wanted was to be left alone.

It’s amazing what can go through your mind after you realize what happens when people you thought were friends will prey on your emotional weaknesses and then attack.  You begin to feel like maybe it’s best to not allow anyone near you again. 

Then you realize just how alone you are in this big, bad world.

For a cancer sign (like myself) we go back into our shell and fortify the wall around us and make it even taller than it was before.  We think of tactics to protect ourselves from ever allowing this pain to happen to us again.  You think about how much better life would be if you didn’t have to deal with people at all.  If it were only you in your shell…and no one else.

As one of my friends said, “The more I go through life, the more I hate people.”  I can relate.

I decided to wait 24 hours before making any decision on what I would do next.  If I was supposed to forgive, then they would at least apologize to me. 

The whole weekend went by and no apology came from either one. 

I spoke to someone today about what happened on Friday night, and she was telling me that it was apparent that these two were not the type of friend that I am to them.  I expect people to bring forth the type of friendship that I put forth…but not all people are like that.  They are not genuine.

Friends don’t rip apart someone by attacking every sensitive issue going on inside of them.  What they did was enough to send anyone jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge (trust me, when you’re as mad as I was, that thought crosses your mind).

She told me that I’m a good friend to people.  What they did to me wasn’t the type of friend that I am to them.  She said I was a genuine friend that would never dream of doing something like that EVER.  I always have been the type of person that gives from the heart, the way I would hope to be given back in return.  I don’t demand it or expect it, but maybe it was time that I should demand it and expect it.  But instead, I learned that I can count on one finger how many of my friends are that type of friend.  

As much as the events on Friday made me feel like I’d rather have nothing to do with people anymore, the universe told me all weekend…that’s not the answer.  I’ve had more guys hit on me this weekend than I’ve had hit on me in the last 5 years.  More people have come up to talk to me than I would want coming up to me at all.

That’s the universe’s way of saying not to give up on people…not everybody is a wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing.

Looking at the whole picture now,  I think most people know that they can’t trust 99.9999% of the world.  In my experience, that is very true.  As the years pass, people become worse and worse.  You sit and wonder, why God should even take pity on them.

But then you think about happiness and anger.  They are two very opposite feelings.  You can either go through life being mad at the world, or you can choose to be happy.

In my experience, choosing to be mad at the world only throws you into a purgatory state.  You never get what you want out of life because what you put out into the world comes right back at you.  Life always puts out these little tests.  It’s how you react to the tests that determines how you will grow as a person.  After all, these tests happen not to break you down but to prepare you for something else along the way.

Choosing happiness means you have to include people in your life…good people.  There are a lot of people that say they’re your friend, but when the green eyed monster enters the picture, they stopped being your friend a long time ago.

As my friend told me today, everything they did points to jealousy.  People don’t do that unless they are dissatisfied with their own life and don’t like to see someone else doing so well.  The true thoughts and feelings another person has comes out when they’re liquored up.  Which was the case here.

Maybe I wouldn’t have been so mad if I had more than one drink.  My intuition said to leave early.  I wish I had.

Even when my body started to ache very badly…it was my intuition saying to leave again.

I went against that intuition and ended up seeing the wolves in sheep’s clothing.  Part of me is glad that I saw it.  If I hadn’t, the false friendship charade would have continued.

I read this morning that holding onto hate is pointless.  Sometimes, it’s better to just pray for them…or pray for the strength to pray for them.  Bestow upon them the same blessings you would ask for yourself. 

It will help you in the end.  Who cares if it helps them or not?  What matters is helping yourself get through it. 

It goes hand in hand with the power of positive thinking.  Don’t wish hate upon your enemies.  Wish good things upon them.  Maybe they’ll become better people.

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