Dear Mr. Hockey Player (aka my protector)

protect2013 has gotten off to a very interesting and unique start.  Beyond reaching my monthly goal last month of losing 10 pounds, life has sort of…grown.

There have been some weird things that have popped up regarding my personal safety that I’ve had to seal up any cracks that may have been knocked on by others that have no business knocking there to begin with.  Between dealing with the local police, and the feds, some basic things like getting insurance that I had put off getting, helped me to feel more secure.  The government made me feel even more secure and I thank them for helping me and my family through this period. 

I’ve had to honestly ask what was going on in my life that over the course of seven days…why in the world my personal safety to life and home was jeopardized on two separate occasions, by two completely unrelated events.

Had I done something wrong that karma was trying to kick me?  Or was the universe trying to prepare me for something much worse…or to get a hold of a situation before it got out of hand?

This wasn’t one of those Death was following me around moments.  I know what he feels like.  This one was completely on the weird seal up the cracks to your foundation moments.

But perhaps that’s what all of this is really about.

Maybe the universe was saying…get insurance now, because something bad is about to happen that will put you out of your home.  Maybe that psychotic lunatic was one of those…all the ones that loved you before come out of the woodworks when you’re about to officially meet the one you’re going to marry.

My brother put his money on that last assumption, because there’s no way that I did something wrong to cause this to happen to me.

Insurance?  I’m not attached to my things…maybe to Surita. 

I had to ask myself, if I was to start this life from scratch, how hard would that be?  After I got the insurance, I thought…it would not be difficult at all to rebuild this life.  But the real question is…would I do it all over again the same way?  Or would I improve this life?

Or perhaps maybe I’m stepping off my path in life????

Right now, I feel like a monkey wrench has been thrown into my life…except, I caught it before it could do any sort of real damage in my life.  I’m left to ask, “Why was it thrown into my life?  Did I do something wrong?”

Did I not give enough?  Did I not make God happy enough with my works?

Or is this God’s way of making me look at how I’m protected?  Perhaps only he can do so much…and it was just time to start learning how I can protect myself…or learn to rely on other human beings to protect me.

I didn’t lose anything.  What was stolen from me…I got my money back and replacements in the mail (where applicable).  The person that was stupid enough to contact me 18 years after threatening to kill me…feds are now watching him like he’s the next Aurora murderer and will take him out if he were to ever contact me again or set foot in any state I happen to be in (or if he attempts to purchase any kind of weapon). 

In other words, I lost nothing.  It was just the universe trying to shake me up.

When you have been independent for so long, it is difficult to rely on other human beings.  I’m a big believer in divine intervention…God protects me at all times.  Trust me, I’ve put this to the test many times, and I always come out without so much as a scratch.  Perhaps God is just trying to teach me to learn to depend on others…to look for the angelic souls in other human beings.

Then again…

I had a dream this weekend about a hockey player that is pissed off that I have not returned to cover hockey again.  I’ve heard him complain about it, but to dream about it, it was very odd. 

Over these years, I had heard that I was protected by someone.  I had an idea who it was because he had to have some pretty big pull in order to protect me the way that he had.  I had a dream about the person being upset about me not returning…especially after all he had done for me. 

I woke up thinking…what is his interest in all of this?  It was very bizarre.

As I was looking up some love quotes from my journal to go up on my Love Notes board for my Valentine’s home decorations, I found an entry in my journal from 2010 about this ‘protection.’  It even mentioned this whole scenario with this hockey player’s protection of me and my feeling that he was the one trying to protect me.  It even talked about dreams I had about someone trying to protect me months before I started writing about hockey.

Synchronistic?  Definitely.

Either this hockey player is throwing some wild mojo into the universe to get me to at least reconsider coming back to the game, or there’s some other thing going on that I’m not understanding.  I have been questioning for the last 3 years, “What is his interest in all of this?”

And yes, I still hear he complains that I have not returned to the game.

For the record, and this will piss him off, I only watch Jaromir Jagr and the Dallas Stars right now.  I watch no other hockey game or hockey team…just Jagr TV.  I even so much as got NHL Center Ice after they blacked out the Stars games for me on DirecTV…just to watch Jagr TV. 

I have hockey tickets…to see Jagr play in Dallas.  I have plane tickets…to see Jagr play in Dallas. 

I have not watched the Devils play.  I have not watched the Rangers play.  I don’t read the highlights, except when it’s to read my replacement’s work to see how he’s doing. 

Yes.  I am still mad.  The lockout sealed it with what was happening on Twitter.  Why I’m not back at the Devils arena is for one reason…TMZ, anyone?

I was okay with the Devils losing.  It happens.  I was not okay with the video footage I saw from TMZ.  For a team I respected wholeheartedly, watching that video made me think…you guys are just like all of those hockey players that I can’t stand.  This is the part of the life I do not like or care for.  That respect…no longer exists.

Sure, some of the guys are okay, but a few of them…I have to say I was highly disappointed in them.  It was enough for me to say…you disgust me.

That disgust is why I haven’t paid attention to the Devils at all.  So I’m sorry if that hockey player will read this and think…WHAT THE FUCK?  No, I’m not disgusted by you or the few that were with you.  I’m disgusted by the other ones. 

Some are no longer with the team.  That’s fine.  But there was one that really disappointed me above all and that’s why I won’t go to a game like I promised to do.  I’m sure he would tell me that it was all a misunderstanding…but then again, he always tells me that.

I think about those weird moments of protection from the past that had some of us scratching our heads going…why did he do that?  To watch that TMZ video…that explained a whole hell of a lot. 

I know this is all sounding cryptic, but I think the people involved will understand what I’m talking about. 

Well, maybe.

Truth is, the universe is veering me away from hockey.  This year, there’s no way I would be able to cover hockey on this schedule and grow with my job.  With bigger pay increases comes bigger responsibilities.  Getting up for a 9AM meeting…planning a month to work in New Orleans…meeting with the department heads that value my opinion…it’s a sign that my job has invested in me and it’s time to grow with them.

They wanted me to invest in them and let go of the other job writing about hockey.  I don’t regret that decision.  I was rewarded for making that choice.  It’s that reward that tells me that I made the right choice in the universe’s way of doing things.

Between visiting in Dallas for the next 3 months, working in New Orleans, and heading back to Morocco…this is going to be one insanely busy year.  Unless you’re playing against or for Dallas, there’s no way I’m going to see you play hockey. 

When Jagr TV is not on…other sports that are not hockey fill that void.  It is that way because I am still mad as hell.  I’m disappointed.  I’m disgusted. 

Jagr has a free pass. 

I realize there are only two of my all-time favorites still playing hockey.  I’ve watched Marty Brodeur break so many records, but he still has next year.  Jagr may not.  He’s already complaining about being tired all of the time.  That’s why I’m investing in watching him this year.  I still remember his days breaking all of the Rangers’ records.  Now he says he’s tired. 

Married or not to hockey…he’s starting to let his playing days go.  He was the reason why I got into hockey to begin with.  I think when he starts to let go, a part of me let’s go too.  The thing is…I’ve been feeling that ‘letting go’ since last season.

Last year, while he was in Philadelphia, it was so hard being able to watch him play.  Between covering the Devils and the Rangers, I had no time for Jagr in Philly.  When he was set to play in the NY area, either I was sick or he was injured or there was some insane winter storm that prevented me from going…it just became a whole season of regret…I didn’t get to see him play that much.  I felt serious remorse because of it.

This short season…I’m not letting it happen again.  That’s why I watch every Dallas game he’s in.  That’s why I check the Dallas Stars Twitter feed to see if he’s playing or not.  If he’s not, I don’t watch.  That’s why I have plane tickets, hotel reservations and tickets right behind the bench…because I owe that to the man that made me fall in love with this game…even though I’m pissed off.

So my dear hockey player…please stop throwing out into the universe how upset you are that I’m not seeing you play.  The universe is literally taking very mean jabs at me because of it.  It’s jeopardizing my bubble of protection.  I mean…the feds and police got involved…I think that’s enough complaining to the universe. 

Your complaints were heard.  I appreciate that you miss seeing me around, laughing at all of your jokes.  Just stop cursing me for not being there.  Let me do what I need to do.  God has other things in the works for me right now.  Let him do his thing.

So I’ll close because I’m late for Jagr TV.  He’ll probably end up scoring a goal like he always does while I’m not watching.  Or maybe I’ll get lucky and finally see him score a goal on live TV.  I have yet to see that at all this season, because I’m either late watching or I’ve fallen asleep.

But I will say this…thank you for all you’ve done.  I needed someone in my corner when I had to prove to the world why I deserved to be in that press box and locker room.  Even if you did it on the down low…thanks for everything.  I think you made the journey worthwhile.  And yeah…you’re the only guy in that locker room that I truly miss.  Ok…maybe one of two guys.  That’s about it.  Good luck this year.  Maybe you’ll win the Cup…or maybe Jagr will.  I won’t tell who I’m really rooting for. ;)




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