Well, for those of you who know me in some capacity…there are talks that I am working on a book. Well, that rumor is true, but I’m going to clarify what that current book is that I’m working on.
I am working on my third book project. The other two…believe it or not, I put to the side, because for whatever reason I think I need to experience a few more things in life before I can finish them.
The third book project is something that’s going on now. It’s entitled “Losing 100 Pounds of Unhappiness.”
I suffer from a little thing called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This usually happens to an individual after experiencing a very traumatic event. One of the side effects can be gaining weight at a rapid pace and not being able to drop it through regular means of diet and exercise.
A psychiatrist recommended to me that I should have bariatric surgery and have the Lap-Band placed inside me. It would force me to deal with the PTSD issues and move on with life.
There have been 5 cases where a PTSD sufferer had the Lap-Band surgery. I am the fifth case. The other 4 cases couldn’t take it and had the Lap-Band removed because they couldn’t handle all of the attention they received after they dropped all of the weight.
They gained all of their weight back, plus a whole lot more. In these other four cases, their sanity and the need to feel safe was more important then being healthy and thin.
I’m hoping that I will not be another failed case study.
This book is about working through the obstacles of losing weight AND dealing with how I got to that point. I’ve always said that under each layer of fat, a little bit of unhappiness is hiding in there.
I will admit that 6 months after the surgery, things have not gone smoothly. It’s not about how little weight I’ve lost. It’s about how many health problems I’ve had since the surgery. I’ve had everything from internal bleeding to a cancer scare (where the doctor told me that she believed that my cancer had returned, and in a bad way). Throw in asthma (that I never had before), and a torn stomach muscle where the port ripped from where it was sewn into the muscle and we have the struggles that go along with this.
Some people think that getting the Lap-Band means you’ll drop a lot of weight very quickly. For me, that’s not the case. In 6 months time, I’ve lost only 20 pounds (12 of those pounds came in the first week following the surgery…which is expected whenever you end up spending any sort of time in a hospital bed). But that 20 pounds is more weight then I’ve been able to take off in the past 10 years. So something is working…no matter how slowly. I am down one size, but it doesn’t matter to me because I gravitate between two sizes.
The purpose of this book is to talk about the struggles in releasing all of that unhappiness built up in the layers of fat surrounding me. My goal is to lose 100 pounds of that unhappiness.
Beyond the health issues that popped up post-surgery, the main focus is on the mental aspect of it all and dealing with it step-by-step. It’s like my own personal diary on how I am trying to combat PTSD.
The book will not be completed until I lose 80 more pounds. I was hoping that I would reach that goal by the time the one year anniversary came around (October 13th).
But as I go along I think that one year anniversary date to reach that goal is unrealistic. We’ll see what this body has in store. Right now, it wants nothing to do with food or drink…no matter how much I try to force that one apple and one banana down (it took me 14 hours to eat those two items yesterday).
But in my doctor’s eyes…that’s a good sign.
At my 6 month checkup, I also learned that I may have to go in for surgery again because of the torn muscle. I’ll find out here in a couple of weeks. If that’s the case, then I guess that goal is going to have to wait a little bit longer.
But through all of this, I have to keep reminding myself…it’s about the journey, not the end result.
*********
For those curious about PTSD and the Lap-Band…I need to clarify something about that.
First, in order for any insurance company to approve the Lap-Band surgery to someone who has been diagnosed with PTSD, it has to be proven that the rapid weight gain came about shortly after the event and is a direct result of the traumatic event.
For me, after the episodes occurred, I gained 30 pounds within 3 months. To any health professional, that is a serious warning sign.
I don’t have an eating disorder. Before the band, I actually had a very healthy diet and exercise routine. I didn’t eat junk food or overindulge. I ate less then a normal person.
Doctors told me for years that they believed I suffered from PTSD b/c my diet/exercise did not reflect the weight I was carrying.
For some people who are a victim, if they were to turn to food as a solace and gain the weight that way…then the health insurance will say NO…the weight gain is not a direct result from the PTSD.
The difference here is that a switch was turned on in my brain after the incidents happened that said that it must protect me at all costs. I immediately started wearing baggy clothes to hide my figure. I tried to dress like a boy. Then the weight piled on while I was trying to adapt and cope with what had happened.
Fifteen years later, it became very apparent that after many years of dieting and exercising that nothing was going to change. It tells the doctors that the weight cannot be dropped through normal means. It tells them that it’s the brain that is causing the problem, not my methods.
So the Lap-Band is a method to trick the brain into turning the switch off that had been turned on so many years ago. That is why my weight hasn’t miraculously dropped so quickly like those who overindulged. It’s a battle between my brain and my stomach right now…and believe me…it’s a painful one.
I’ve seen the topics where people talk about PTSD post-op and people upset because the band didn’t work for them the way they were hoping it would so they’re claiming they have post-op PTSD.
That’s a miscategorization of the term PTSD. You can’t tell me that being dissatisfied with how much weight you did not lose is a PTSD issue. It’s not. I call that depression and dissatisfaction.
The T in PTSD stands for TRAUMATIC…as in a seriously traumatic event had to have happened to you. Many soldiers suffer from PTSD. Many people who witnessed or survived 9/11/01 have PTSD. People who have been raped have PTSD.
PTSD has varying side effects…for some people, they go crazy. A triggering event can make them curl up and hide like a mouse in the wall or act out in extreme anger or insanity. Then there are people like myself, where they rapidly gain weight following the episode as a form of ‘protection.’
I’ve been fortunate that I have not had a triggering event in a long time that made me hyperventilate, get scared, run away or just beat the shit out of someone. Luckily, the latter part of that hasn’t happened yet. But that first part has happened to me before.
There are very few cases where a person who suffered from PTSD had rapid weight gain following the episode, but it does exist. Keep in mind that I didn’t turn to food as a solace after the event. If someone with PTSD went to food as a solace after the event, the insurance company will not approve the PTSD claim. The evidence has to support that the PTSD is the exact reason why you cannot lose weight through normal means. The PTSD (in the brain) has to be the direct result that caused the weight gain.
Bariatric surgery (Lap-Band in my case) becomes the major answer in healing the PTSD…or at least getting the sufferer to start working through the problems associated with the PTSD. It’s more mental and emotional work then it is physical work or trying to avoid food.
I am a rare case. I can’t stress that enough. There are only 5 PTSD cases total in Lap-Band surgery. I went to the best in the world to have this done and they monitor the results on a monthly basis…and I am reminded every month that 1-2 pounds weight loss per MONTH would be ideal for me because of the situation. For everyone else, they are told that they should lose at least 2-3 pounds a WEEK.
Do you see the difference there?
That is the difference between a true PTSD sufferer and someone who overindulged. That is why the health insurance company approves a PTSD sufferer immediately before they will an overindulger. If you were denied a claim as a PTSD sufferer, it’s because you have to admit that you overindulged and that was why you gained weight. You’re an emotional eater. Even if you’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, like I said, the PTSD has to be the direct result of why you gained weight to begin with and why you can’t lose it.
If you turned to food as solace after the episode…that made you an emotional eater. You’ll need a 40 BMI in order to be approved for the surgery.
